How to find a coach that works for you
Last week we spoke about coaching, what it is, what it isn’t and why the industry is a bit of a minefield right now. Today I’m going to talk to you about what to look for in a coach, how to know whether a coach is really a coach and not an instructor or a mentor in disguise, and what questions to ask when talking to a potential coach.
Firstly, this blog today is based on a YouTube video I put out. If you would prefer to watch instead of read, you can find the video here:
If you haven’t seen my last post I’d really recommend reading it before this one but to give you a quick run down, here are the main points:
The common idea of what a coach is stems from sports where a sports coach would teach you how to become better at your sport and perform to a higher standard.
Modern coaching instead doesn’t tell you what to do, it partners with you to widen your perspective, form new ideas and build new strategies to get you where you need to be. Because you’re the expert in you.
While being told what to do is useful for specific educational things, it can actually be quite damaging if we are pushed to do something that is not right for us, particularly if we are neurodivergent.
The industry is currently unregulated and anyone can call themselves a coach without needing any qualifications. For that reason it can be difficult to find someone who is a genuine coach and is going to get us where we needed to go.
It’s unsurprising that many people are confused about how to find a good coach
With that in mind I want to talk a little bit more about this. Because while it’s true that the industry is unregulated and you don’t have to have any qualifications to call yourself a coach but there are qualifications out there that indicate that someone has been trained to coach properly. One of those, which is what I have, is an ICF Credential, awarded by the International Coaching Federation.
In order to get one of these you must have participated in a minimum of 60 coach specific training hours, have been observed by a mentor coach through 10 hours of mentor coaching including a coaching assessment, have completed at least 100 hours of real world coaching experience and have passed a three hour exam on coaching. These requirements are tough and someone who is ICF credentialed has put a lot of time and effort into their training. If someone is ICF credentialed then you are likely to be in good hands.
There are also the EMCC, European Mentoring and Coaching Council, qualifications based in Europe which also hold their members to similar high standards as the ICF.
And if you’re someone who, like myself, has ADHD and are looking for help specifically with that, the ADD Coaching Academy trains coaches specifically to help with ADHD management and the Professional Association for ADHD Coaches certifies these coaches similarly to that of the ICF.
Finally I want to say that if you do have something targeted you want to learn, don’t discount the coaches that are more like mentors or instructors. I will happily pay for the services of a marketing mentor who can teach me what I need to know about marketing because this is a specific thing that I need to learn how to do. But for something more general it’s safest to go with the qualifications I mentioned earlier.
For something like learning to play the piano, a teacher is definitely necessary instead of a coach
So now that we've spoken a bit about what to look for in a coach in terms of qualifications then let's look a bit more about what to ask about when trying out different coaches who do meet those qualifications.
Firstly, I don't subscribe to the fact that in order to coach someone who is neurodivergent you need to be neurodivergent yourself. That would imply to me that I can't coach people who are neurotypical because I am not neurotypical when in reality I have coached numerous neurotypical people to great success. Part of coaching is about expanding our way of thinking and finding new perspectives and having someone who thinks differently to you can be really useful for that.
However, with that in mind the person needs to be open and understanding to the different ways of thinking and you need to be comfortable around them. The ICF or similar qualification should ensure that they are responding to you as a person and going where you need to go instead of convincing you to adhere to a neurotypical point of view but we are all imperfect human beings so if you're talking to a coach and you get the vibe that they are not going to be a good fit for you from this perspective then it's totally fair to move on and look for something else.
If you would like to disclose your neurodivergence you could ask them about it and whether they have coached someone else of a similar background before. Many people seek leadership coaching without disclosing their diagnosis or it comes up through the course of them coaching so many leadership coaches may have had experience coaching neurodivergence before even though that is not the reason that the person sought out coaching to begin with.
I know I certainly found out many of my early clients had ADHD, Autism or Tourettes Syndrome after I'd started coaching them from a leadership perspective and it was actually the frequency in which I was having conversations about neurodivergence later on in the coaching relationships that lead to me specialising in this niche.
Having said that, if what you're looking for is specifically coaching for how to manage your ADHD better in everyday life then absolutely go to an ADHD coach, it just makes sense to do that!
It’s important to ask your potential coach about their coaching philosophy
The next thing to ask is what their coaching philosophy is. Make sure they align to what you're looking for and that the things that are a priority to you are a priority to them as well. Don't be afraid to challenge them on this. If they are not a good fit for you then it's okay to move on and find someone who is.
It can also be useful to ask them about areas they don't coach in. For example, I regularly get people coming to me specifically for help with their ADHD. But you'll notice I define myself as a leadership coach who specialises in neurodivergence. I'm not an ADHD coach and the main reason why is because I enjoy helping people in their career much more than working on tools to help in general life and household management.
That's not to say that we don't sometimes go there - I mentioned earlier that in coaching we coach the whole person so if my coachee is finding a challenge related to that that is impacting their career then absolutely we will go there. But I don't set out to service ADHD management as a primary concern and when potential clients come to me with that as their primary objective I instead point them to someone else for whom this is the speciality. And actually the one time I agreed to help someone for whom this was their primary concern I immediately regretted it because it wasn't authentic to me and thankfully they decided not to go ahead in the end.
The point of this is that if a coach says yes to every challenge then its possible that they're just looking for clients and it might be worth digging in further to what experiences they have with these.
One of the most important things is how you get on with your coach!
Finally, one of the most important things is how you feel interacting with them. Does this feel like a person you can build up trust with so you feel comfortable sharing? Does this person seem like someone who will challenge you but in a way that helps you grow? Sometimes we don't gel with people and that's okay but it's super important for a coaching relationship to find someone you do gel with because this could be one of the most impactful relationships of your career.
If this resonates with you and feel you would be interested in talking to an adhd and autism-friendly coach, feel free to get in touch. If you’re looking for more blog posts, you can find them here.
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