You’re a high achiever. Could you also have ADHD?
Are you a high achiever who is constantly rushing from project to project or task to task? Do you get bored easily and find it super hard to relax? Do you change jobs or roles every couple of years? If so, you might be a high achiever with ADHD.
Firstly, this blog today is based on a YouTube video I put out. If you would prefer to watch instead of read, you can find the video here:
Before we dive into this topic I just need to make a disclaimer. I am not a medical professional, I have no qualifications to diagnose you and am not in the business of doing so.
However, while the above are true I do have two things that qualify me to talk on this topic, number one is that I’m a high achieving ADHDer myself, and number two is that I’m a leadership and entrepreneurship coach specialising in coaching these people too. My name is Leigh and I’m the founder and head coach of Through The Noise Coaching.
If you feel like you’re hearing a lot about ADHD recently, that’s probably because you are. It’s going through a bit of a moment right now where people are getting diagnosed at a much higher rate. The estimates for how much of the population has ADHD varies but the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence refers to US studies where between 8% and 10% of the population are estimated to have ADHD. That’s a huge part of the population.
Another reason why it feels like ADHD is everywhere nowadays is due to the increase in adults getting diagnosed. I’m one such adult myself, diagnosed at the age of 29 and only because my ADHD friends and clients saw it in me.
One of the reasons why so many of us are getting diagnosed as adults is because one form of ADHD has always been easier to spot than others - the predominantly hyperactive type of ADHD which is stereotypically considered to be the “naughty boy” presentation typified by little boys having too much energy and being disruptive in class.
Loud, hyperactive boys is the main stereotype the general public has about ADHD and it can mean that those of us who don’t present that way get missed.
Our understanding of ADHD has since grown from there. There is an enduring myth that hyperactive boys were more easily diagnosed because girls tended to have mainly the inattentive type, exemplified by girls staring out the window, but in fact that’s not right either. The most common form of ADHD in all genders is the combined type where we have both the hyperactive and the inattentive type. It’s just that for all genders the hyperactive type can present as hyperactive thoughts rather than hyperactive actions.
When I was diagnosed with ADHD I definitely experienced a pushback against it. A lot of “no you haven’t!” and “You should get a second opinion on that!” because a lot of people couldn’t see the ADHD in me. I am a competent woman who did very well in school. I’ve always excelled in my career. But in reality I had somehow found ways to manage my ADHD myself this whole time.
For high achieving ADHDers, the ADHD is there from childhood and we can look back and spot it. It’s just that we managed to find ways to cope with it. For me, for the most part I was lucky enough to not struggle too much with school. I was lucky I found it interesting so I didn’t have trouble getting on with my work, but I was also lucky that I didn’t find it too difficult either.
However, instead of acting up like is often associated with ADHD, I had other interests that I could pursue at school. I kept a journal with me at all times. I wrote stories, I wrote songs (I still have copies of both today) and in my teenage years I carried a rubik’s cube with me. Which I did broadly get away with although I did get told to put it away a few times.
The Rubik’s Cube was a great way to keep my brain occupied while also being a good physical stim as I was active with my hands. It’s also one of the signs my friends point to when they suggest I might be autistic too…
I also was training in Tae Kwon Do, which I found out after getting diagnosed is one of the best things you can do for your ADHD because the exercise helps us regulate and a martial art is especially engaging form of exercise for our brains. So I had all these strategies that meant that my ADHD really wasn’t affecting my grades at school.
In fact, I would think for many of us with this background, the ADHD was actually somewhat helpful at school. Our brains’ needs for variety means that we are constantly learning from different subjects and sources and we can use that to help us make connections that may not be obvious to other people and help us learn ideas and grasp concepts much more easily.
It’s when we get to adulthood when things get hard.
If this topic resonates with you and you’d like to talk about the coaching options I have available
Many of us are managing our ADHD and doing great right up until we aren’t. From the outside we seem like we are on top of everything. We’re doing well at work, we’re juggling our lives and our friends and families. Yes we get burnt out from time to time but that’s just because we’re super busy people. And then all of a sudden things go wrong.
For many people, it’s starting university that’s a trigger. That’s a huge life upheaval that can bring out the ADHD symptoms like never before. For others, it’s having kids. Nothing like sleep deprivation and caring for another very demanding human to make things even harder. For me, it was actually a bereavement that kicked of the chain of events. I was very close to my grandmother and when she passed it shook up my life in a big way.
The chaos that is caring for a child can mean ADHD symptoms show up stronger. Many parents also get diagnosed once their child has been as they relate to their symptoms.
Two of the biggest things that show up in this situation are problems with executive function and problems with emotional dysregulation. I could write a whole series of videos on both these topics and I have discussed them both in previous videos, but to give a quick overview:
Executive function is the way we get things done. It’s when we manage to get up off the sofa and do the thing. Those of us with high achieving ADHD are great at doing that for things that interest us, or challenge our brains in a way that’s really enticing and we can thrive doing it. But I bet you’ve forgotten to take a load of laundry out of the washing machine more times than you’d care to admit… It’s not because you’re lazy or lacking motivation. It’s just because executive function is a struggle.
Emotional dysregulation is when we have Big Emotions. It’s not that our emotions are wrong for the situation, they are the correct emotions you’d expect to be experiencing, it’s just that they’re so much bigger. We might feel extra disappointed when something we were excited about didn’t come through, or extra elated spending time with someone we love who we haven’t seen in a while. The highs are so high but the lows can be really difficult to manage.
When we take stock to think about this we might realise that it’s been there our whole lives, we’ve just blamed it on character defects. We might say “I’m lazy” or “I just need to get motivated”, or “I’m just a stressed or highly sensitive person”. In reality it’s our ADHD. That doesn’t mean we can’t work on it - there are so many methods and strategies we can do to handle the hard parts of ADHD - but I want to say to you that it’s okay if you’ve been feeling this way, it’s part of ADHD and it’s not your fault. It feels so much better to acknowledge that.
Another thing you might relate to is getting bored easily and absolutely hating boredom, so much so that you probably jam pack your schedule so much that it’s almost impossible for you to actually get bored. My poor parents dealing with bored Leigh as a child and my poor partner when she occasionally rears her head now.
We don’t do well being bored and it can feel almost physically painful.
The boredom doesn’t have to be explicit boredom. We tend to change jobs and careers on a regular basis, often every couple of years. On paper it’s not obvious that I did this because I stayed at my first financial services job for seven years, but in reality in that time I worked three different roles, started a work experience event, volunteered for numerous extra-curricular activities and started a business on the side. We need that variety and will find ways to get it in our careers.
We also often find it super hard to relax. I was playing my switch the other day, looking to my partner like I was having a nice relaxing time. Until I took my headphones off, looked up at him and said: “That entrepreneurship podcast was really interesting, I learned so much but I think I broke my brain”. He just looked at me like: “Wow you really don’t relax, do you?”.
Because we’re high achievers, we often don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with us when we’re facing these challenges. We’re smart, so we think we can just overcome them by doing what we’ve always done - working hard and coming up with strategies. The problem is that this leads to burnout and feelings of inadequacy as well as frustration.
It’s often said that no matter how well an ADHDer is doing in life, one part of their life will always be in utter chaos. For me, that’s my work desk. No matter what I do, utter chaos.
This is not my desk but given all the sheet music it’s not too far off either…
It can also come with a healthy dose of imposter syndrome. People tell us that we have it together, that we’re competent and capable and sometimes we believe it. Other times the internal chaos we have going on makes us feel like that description is totally wrong and we’re just waiting to get caught out. We compare ourselves to school, growing up and every time someone told us we’re brilliant. But we don’t feel so brilliant right now.
All of this can make it hard to get a diagnosis. A lot of the typical manifestations of ADHD aren’t obvious with us because we’re so good at managing the symptoms. When I had my own diagnosis, the assessor actually had to discuss with their colleague because my ADHD wasn’t immediately obvious. They came back with a list of all the ways my ADHD had manifested and the ways in which I’d found my own methods for coping with the hard parts.
They actually used the term “Twice Exceptional”, or “2e” on my assessment, a term used for people who are exceptional due to being high achievers and also exceptional due to ADHD. I feel a bit weird talking about that because it feels like I’m bragging but I wanted to share this term because if this post resonated with you then you might like to read up on 2e to find out a bit more about it.
So how do you move forward if this resonated with you? Well firstly, you don’t have to get a diagnosis or use the label ADHD if you don’t want to. Diagnoses are completely personal. Some people don’t see the point because they’re still them regardless. For me personally it was super freeing to find out this knowledge about myself and always interesting to get extra self awareness.
Regardless, I’d definitely recommend learning more about ADHD and trying strategies to see what works for your brain. If you’re informed then you can build better strategies and coping mechanisms.
If this resonates with you and feel you would be interested in talking to an adhd-friendly coach, feel free to get in touch. If you’re looking for more blog posts, you can find them here.
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