How to change our thoughts to move forward
Last week I spoke about how our thoughts can limit us and suggested identifying as the person we want to be, eg “I am a leader” so that we pick up and implement the habits of that person. I finished by acknowledging that it’s easy for me to say “just identify as a leader” and another thing to actually do it. So let’s talk about actually doing it today!
Firstly, this blog today is based on a YouTube video I put out. If you would prefer to watch instead of read, you can find the video here:
For those of you who are sceptical, I totally understand. If you start saying you’re a leader but you don’t believe it at all, then everything I’ve just described won’t work. Because you might outwardly be saying the thing I’ve told you to say but you’re undermining it with your thoughts at every opportunity.
I often see this from people who are super rational thinkers, who come from a background similar to mine, so I can put my hand up and say I identify with this too. I am sceptical by nature and it has been a real journey for me to get to where I am today.
So let me start by saying: I am not going to tell you to look into the mirror every day and repeat positive affirmations to boost your desired self perception. If you’re someone who is skeptical about positive affirmations then they just won’t work, you have to believe in them for it to work because it’s that brain pattern recognition all over again. So what actually is going to be a step in the right direction?
Positive affirmations are amazing but only if you believe in them. If you believe in them, keep practising. If you don’t, try different tactics instead.
Well first it’s important to have a growth mindset. A growth mindset is one that believes that things can change, that skills can be learnt. While a fixed mindset says “I’m not good at entrepreneurship”, a growth mindset adds the word “yet”. “I’m not good at entrepreneurship yet”. Because a growth mindset knows that we can learn and improve and take steps closer to our goals.
It’s definitely possible to have a fixed mindset about certain things in life and a growth mindset about others. I’m definitely guilty of this and early on my coaching business was really struggling to grow because I had a fixed mindset about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to get anyone to pay me any money for coaching. I was wrong but I had to enter the growth mindset first.
If you’re in a fixed mindset the first thing to do is to start questioning that mindset. Here you might find a coach is super helpful, our bread and butter is questioning perceptions and widening perspectives, but you can also do this on your own. You relate it to other areas of your life where you have evidence of the fact that you did learn, you did get better, you did grow. And then you take the aspects of that situation and see how you can apply them to your current situation.
I like to keep my testimonials written in a place that I can see them for when I need reminders of my evidence
Your instinct might be to argue that the current situation is different. You’re not wrong, you wouldn’t be struggling with your mindset if it was exactly the same, but there are aspects of this situation that are similar to other situations you’ve been in where you have grown, and so you bring forward those similarities to convince yourself that you can grow again.
As a side note, if you’re finding this super hard and keep getting stuck in a fixed mindset, this might be time to ask for help. It could be a coach that you want to work with or if it’s something trauma related then it’s probably best to engage a therapist or trauma specialist.
Once we’ve started cultivating that growth mindset, we then start looking for evidence to reconfirm that this is possible and we have to be quite intentional about this so we don’t slip into our automatic negative self-perception.
Some of that search for evidence can be borrowing evidence form other people. I had been toying with the idea of YouTube for literally years before I met a new friend who is a successful YouTuber and suddenly this seemed possible for me. If she can do it, why can’t I?
I really like the phrase “you can’t be what you can’t see” because it’s true, we might subconsciously write off things we never knew were possibilities for us because we can’t see that they were possible.
Being able to see that opportunities are possible for us by seeing someone like us there is so important
Note that this is also why I talk about my ADHD diagnosis frequently on this channel. I want people like me to see that they can have ADHD and still be successful in their careers and their businesses even on the days that it’s hard. I want you to see me and realise that this can be you as well.
So with our evidence that it is possible for us to be that person we want to be, and the combination of the growth mindset, we start chipping away at it. We work out our next step, what’s the first thing we can do to move in that direction? And then we do it. Because once we’ve done it, that’s more evidence for us and starts to build out that foundation of our new self perception.
After a little while we find that it’s time to try on that identity again and this time it fits a little more comfortably. We start to take on the name “leader” or “excellent writer” or “entrepreneur” and that encourages us to behave in a way that’s consistent with this new label. And over time we start to realise that our self-perception has gradually shifted. We believe that we are a fantastic leader and our brains have the evidence to prove it to ourselves.
There will still be wobbles along the journey, but we keep moving forward and working at it
That’s not to say there won’t be wobbles along this journey. There will be, for sure. It happens to me on a fairly regular basis and I think there are a lot of people who you admire who probably feel the same way, whether they admit to it or not. But with our growth mindset in hand, we can keep working at it, reaffirming this new self perception and become that person we want to be.
That is all we have time for for today. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey about self perception. If you have any thoughts about this topic I’d love to hear from you.
If this resonates with you and feel you would be interested in talking to an adhd and autism-friendly coach, feel free to get in touch. If you’re looking for more blog posts, you can find them here.
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