Neurodivergent entrepreneur challenges round 2
Following on from last week, I wanted to talk today about what my experience has been in the day to day running of my business as a neurodivergent entrepreneur and business owner.
Firstly, this blog today is based on a YouTube video I put out. If you would prefer to watch instead of read, you can find the video here:
I find myself wanting to start by talking about a word that’s a bit controversial: productivity. It’s a really loaded word because it often comes with the implication of not being productive enough and that often brings on feelings of guilt and shame. But at the same time, I also find it kind of enticing. My brain has this kind of draw towards productivity and I actually find it super hard to relax as a result.
That’s kind of a vague start but what it means in practice is that I can work some weird hours. And I don’t mean working until 2am - I actually have to maintain a pretty strict sleep schedule or all sorts of things go wrong in my life - but I do mean that I can spend a Sunday morning chilling out, playing online games with friends and all of a sudden this productivity itch goes off in my brain and I have a drive to do something for the business.
I guess part of that comes with the ADHD. The restlessness certainly does for example, as does the need to change up what I’m doing. But it’s also super interesting in the ways that it’s not ADHD because one thing I’ve never been able to get out of is that 9-5 routine. Except I’ve always worked longer hours than 9-5 but you get the point.
You see I’m a creature of habit and google calendars, and this is maybe why I’m questioning about autism. I actually follow a very strict schedule in the week and I don’t really like deviating from it. I tend to have patterns on which days I do different things. What’s super important to me is that this is a schedule that I can control.
One thing about me is that I LOVE a schedule. That I can get a break from every so often as I’m still an ADHDer, but one that’s there and comforting most of the time
That is actually one of the huge pluses about entrepreneurship to me: I can control my own schedule. No one is telling me I have to be at a certain place at a certain time. If I take an early or late client meeting then it’s me that has allowed that into my calendar. It also means that I can plan in time to do my hobbies, and if I don’t get to do my daily piano practise it will genuinely ruin my day. So I make space for it. I can prioritise how I spend my time and I spend a lot of it on my business, but I also make space for what’s important to me.
It means I get a lot done because I don’t end up taking time away to do other things. Of course I’m still an ADHD-er so if my friend offers an hour walk for a refresh I will take the opportunity to get some novelty and dopamine back into my life, but I love my schedule and so that walk won’t turn into a full afternoon off unless I choose it to.
However, I will say that I have got very used to being in control of my routine, which means I can get very stressed if for whatever reason I can’t do it. I remember once intending to film in a particular morning because I needed the natural daylight and couldn’t film the afternoon, but I forgot that I’d booked a cleaner (because I’m terrible at cleaning and it’s good to outsource things that you’re bad at instead of wasting time on them if you can) to come that morning. The anger and frustration that ensued from not being able to film that day really hit me hard and meant that I didn’t get anything done at all that day. So being too rigid can really be a drawback here too.
I can also find it hard to stop. I am in the really fortunate position of loving what I do in my business which means some evenings I just don’t stop working. And often I’m forcing myself to go to bed still buzzing, thoughts spinning with what I’ve been working on today or what I intend to dive into tomorrow. And in some ways that’s not a problem because I’m happy and excited and getting lots done.
Insomnia is something that’s very common for those of us with busy brains. I recently heard someone say “we don’t fall asleep, we just pass out” and I find that very accurate
Where it is a problem though is when I can’t sleep. I have a spinning brain anyway (ADHD-er) and so when I add to that all the business thoughts then I find my brain is whirring so much that I can’t get off to sleep. And this has a knock on effect because of course that makes it much harder to get up in the morning, thus pushing back my routine and making me frustrated with myself.
I’m aware that I’m walking a very close line to neurodivergent burn out. Fortunately I have an amazing support network and have learned strategies to help me here but if left to my natural pattern, I’ll find myself drifting in that direction fast.
Part of the reason why comes as well from the fact that I’m impatient, firmly back in the ADHD world here. That means that when I have an idea, I want to jump in and do the idea and I move very fast from idea to execution. My YouTube channel and first five videos were all created within two weeks. I had the idea, dove into learning and then immediately started executing, having the channel set up, scripts written and videos filmed in lightening speed.
I once heard the phrase “impatient with action, patience with results” and my response was “I’m good at the first half”. One battle I fight on a daily basis is the fact that things are never moving fast enough. I always want to see very quick results from the work that I put in even though I know these things take time. It means I’m constantly fighting the discouragement that comes from not seeing your work pay off instantly.
Trying to be patient really frustrates my natural inclination
And then the last point I have to say about it is that I don’t think I was prepared for how hard it would be to do this on my own. When people talk about entrepreneurship being hard, they mainly focus on the long hours and the time it takes to get things off the ground and I totally get where they’re coming from but for me the hardest part is the emotional side of things.
When you’re doing this on your own there’s no one going through it with you. No one else is sharing that pressure, and no one else is immediately there to pull you out of the funk when things are feeling difficult. Of course I have a support network around me, people I can go to who will pick me up when I’m low but I have to reach out to them when I need them. They’re not immediately there.
And because of that one of the most important things to work on as an entrepreneur is mindset. I have to handle negative thoughts and I have to actively work on strategies and techniques that keep me in the mental space that I need to be. Because my amazing brain and its quirks are what got me here today, so I really need to prioritise looking after it.
Of course I am just one business owner with my own particular flavour of neurodivergence and everyone’s experience is different. On balance I do love being an entrepreneur and am happy with the path I’m taking despite things being hard. I’d be super interested in hearing your thoughts about it. What resonated with you and where are your challenges different?
If this resonates with you and feel you would be interested in talking to an autism-friendly coach, feel free to get in touch. If you’re looking for more blog posts, you can find them here.
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